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Joe's Work Log
I'm working on my interpretation of the Blue Stars' 2010 presentation Houdini. I'd like a general critique, but more specifically, could you let me know what you don't like or what you think doesn't work as well as it could?
Thanks for all of your feedback!
First of all, fantastic as always!
The way the first impact develops is fantastic, great kinda half scatter going into that key set. Well done!
Greatly staged what I assume is a "drum feature" after that. Very smart writing in those very tight and close quarters writing there weaving in and out of the chairs. Nicely done!
See that you found a solution for getting the drums backfield again, very well done there. The way the bras snakes around front of them is great stuff.
I think the only thing that I'd mess with is the guard costuming color. I've found on here that anything past the 2nd shade from the bottom on most is pretty hard to decipher what color it is (part of my method of doing things on here), but if that's what you want, go for it! If I'd adjust it, I'd go to something like this:
Other than, great job, can't wait to see the rest!
Thanks for the feedback Landry! Yeah I've been experimenting with the guard uniforms for a while. Thanks for the suggestions.
This is great!(obviously)
The first 26 sets are perfect.
The only issues I have start to pop up around set 27. I'm personally not a huge fan of the halt set at 27. I think the brass set is okay(but not great) and I think that the rifles/sabers and drumline make the whole set feel really crowded. However, I don't really have any suggestions for how this can be fixed, unless the entire set is changed.
Also, the transition into set 27 has a little dirt towards the front on the fifty yard line.
Also, I think you should consider rewriting all of the drill after set 27(though some of it looks unfinished, and may be improved once it is.) It's not that I think any of the drill is "bad" per se, I just think that sets 29-33 feel like transitions from one halt to the next. Unless you have other major plans, I would suggest adding in more sets between set 27 and the company front(with the company front ending the show.)
Sorry If this seems overly negative, but if I complimented everything I liked this would be a long post. Good luck, can't wait to see the finished product!
Hey thanks for the feedback Justin! Yeah I'm going back and I'm going to be changing everything after set 26...I wasn't happy with it either.
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